Crossing Thresholds While Looking Back
What signposts and paths are you considering at this time in your life? How much do you consult your own intuition and past experience? How much are you motivated by fear and/or curiosity? And how do you cultivate your own self-trust as well as trust in others?
The day after the Summer Solstice I woke up to a fresh start. I have now lived longer than my mother, who died of breast cancer shortly after her 61st birthday.
I have taken my mother’s experience to heart in several ways, from going to sleep at night thinking “this was her last night” to waking up with “new eyes” and a sense of wonder the next day. Overall I am happy that I’m still here, surviving and thriving!
I know my preoccupation with outliving my mom may seem unnecessarily morose to some. For me, it is transforming — a celebration of life and health. Fact: I am living longer than my mother. YAY! Fact: I do not now have breast cancer and haven’t ever had it. YAY! A heavy shadow has been lifted and the joy is flooding in. I have more time to live a life I love. YES!
I asked on Facebook if anyone else noted the day they outlived their parents. Many answered yes, especially those whose parents died young. The impact of seeing one of your parents die when you are a child is vast and lingering. I was surprised to hear a friend talk about feeling orphaned. Others had never thought of the concept.
My daughter, Grace, on her 8th birthday, with my husband James in the background.
A week before this incredible Date of Reset and Renewal for me, I decided to host a birthday party in my women’s circle. I asked the women to bring a photo from their “best birthday ever,” plus a wrapped present to anonymously exchange. We went around the circle as each woman talked about past birthdays, and chose to hear one of three different birthday songs. Then, of course, there was birthday cake, or in this instance, my favorite chocolate pudding pie with graham cracker crust. YUM.
Many women, like me, did not have any photos of the “classic birthday shot” in which they are smiling, about to blow out candles on a birthday cake. I thought back to attending various birthday parties when my own daughters were small, realizing that often parents are simply too overwhelmed to find a camera or phone to take the picture.
The Birthday Party with my women’s circle!
Ah, the many thresholds we cross over: birthdays, anniversaries, Renewal and Reset Days. These are all crossroads where we get to choose what happens next, to see possibilities for something different—to gain a new vantage point. We look at the signposts, consult our maps of intuition and previous experience, and see what explorations we are up for next, what direction we want to go. More risk or less risk? More fear or fearing less? Which relationships to keep investing in or let go of? To trust or not to trust?
In a recent blog on uncertainty by my friend and fellow facilitator, Marina Galletis, she reminds us that: “Brené Brown says that those people who live a wholehearted life let go of the need for certainty by trusting in their own intuition and cultivating trust. Brown defines intuition as ‘not a single way of knowing - it’s our ability to hold space for uncertainty, and our willingness to trust the many ways we’ve developed knowledge and insight, including instinct, experience, faith, and reason.’”
Sounds about right to me. We are all renewing since the pandemic. Millions of people are hitting the reset button as the world continues to grapple with new COVID variants and vaccines becoming more widely available.
What signposts and paths are you considering at this time in your life? How much do you consult your own intuition and past experience? How much are you motivated by fear and/or curiosity? And how do you honor, encourage and develop your own self-trust, as well as your trust in others?
There are several beginnings and endings I’m considering as I look towards what life might hold down the road. Some of the signposts and events appearing on my calendar in the past two weeks are:
Giving the first class offered through the new website and learning platform of Woman Within International
My 31st wedding anniversary
The 20-year anniversary of creating Oak Creek Ranch in Southern Oregon
My eldest daughter’s 30th birthday
I am swimming in a sea of both newness and nostalgia—savoring and visioning as I can. And, in the midst of all this, we’ve decided to put our house on the market!
So we are sorting and cleaning and arranging the stuff of our lives. I’m finally finding someone to make the quilt out of my daughters’ baby clothes that I’ve been carting around with me for over 25 years. I’m also going to cull through the photo boxes that still need to be sorted in order to tell our family story.
I think I will be able to let go of more photos now than I could before as I am no longer striving for the happy ending—I am confident that I experienced happy moments every step of the way. Family is in my bones! I don’t need the “proof” in quite as many frames on the wall.
My husband and I are creating “future memories” by looking at houses in Annapolis on the Chesapeake Bay. Being able to envision your future is an important aspect of hope. Dr. Shane Lopez explains this and more in his books and videos on hope. We are confident that whatever comes next, we have each other, and a foundation of family memories to help us continue the journey. Fun to vision together, yet again.
I wonder: what dreams you are visioning?
