Cultivating a Growth Mindset
Recently I experienced an epic failure while making a zoom presentation to 55 employees. It was my first time running a Powerpoint slideshow in “presenter’s view.” We’d stopped looking at slides for a moment to reflect and discuss. Then, when it was time to bring the slides back up on the screen, I couldn’t figure out how to make it happen. Arg! Pain, pain, pain. Spiral down, down, down.
Before I started to blackout from embarrassment, I heard a faint “I gotcha!” from my co-facilitator, Jessica, as she miraculously brought the slides back up onto the screen. I felt like I was in the movie Avatar, falling through space and about to crash into the ground. Jessica was the brightly colored dragon that suddenly appeared to carry me to safety.
I spent the next ten minutes gathering myself and settling down to finish the presentation. Afterwards I got some reassurance from Jessica. Her laughter was a balm as she said “I see you coaching yourself right now.”
“Tech mistakes happen all the time,” I told her. “No one will remember that, they will remember all that great content we delivered.” I took an upbeat tack then, though I admit that for a few days afterwards the smell of failure lingered, like a dead rat in a forgotten cupboard. I think my mind was checking in with the rest of me about how bad I “should” feel or if I needed some self-care.
Once I got up the courage to watch the recording of our presentation, I knew the learning had begun. First off, I timed the episode, which helped in terms of acceptance and perspective. While it felt like it lasted at least ten minutes, it was in reality only a minute-and-a-half. I pulled some positive learning from it all, too.
I was slightly smiling instead of grimacing with a quizzical computer face as I struggled to make things right.
I was able to set the failure aside pretty quickly and get on with the presentation (feeling grateful as all get-out for my co-presenter).
I didn’t make it “all about me” and more dramatic than it was.
I appreciated and received the support of my colleague.
I named what was happening in the moment (“It’s moments like this that I could easily go into my reptilian brain!”) and rolled it into our topic: self-awareness and “leading yourself” at work.
All Good! Yay, me.
The “Yay me!” part is important because it’s how we talk to ourselves during adversity that matters. It’s all about cultivating a growth mindset; knowing that you have the ability to shape your life instead of staying stuck in a fixed mindset where you think you cannot develop your intellect or talents.
Cultivating a growth mindset (or not) determines how we feel, how successful we are and how we continue to develop. The idea is that if we can embrace our flaws and mistakes, and squeeze all the learning out of them, we can go on to be stronger, kinder people. I remember one of my high school friends used to say to herself: “Every day in every way I’m getting better and better.” Or another friend used to say, “Progress not perfection.” I guess, looking back, I hung out with very positive people who, even then, read self-help books.
Research shows that we fare better if we accept that setbacks are part of the process and that we can empower ourselves to risk yet again and move forward to the best of our abilities. We can see how to motivate ourselves to keep reaching for the brass ring and achieve our goals. Dr. Carol Dweck, in her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, spells out the kinds of ideas you can consider when adopting a growth mindset.
IQ: I accept that my IQ can develop over time and that I can form new neural pathways.
Motivation: I take risks and continue to embrace challenges, even when it is difficult or stressful. I will find a way to pace myself and make things manageable.
Effort: I believe that practice can lead to mastery. I keep understanding and exploring.
Acceptance: I see what is really happening, wait a bit, put it into perspective and then move on. I treat myself kindly and gently.
Inspiration: I remember that other people’s successes can be inspiring instead of a reason to compare and find myself wanting. How can I highlight and celebrate the successes of those I know and Iove?
Feedback: How can I see feedback as an opportunity to grow and hear even just one percent of what someone is saying to me? Also, how can I give myself time to understand the feedback I am getting, see if I agree with it, and then decide if I want to change my behavior?
The most hopeful of these considerations for me is that my neural pathways are connecting in new ways all the time. I’m learning to speak Spanish right now and I find the process both vulnerable and enlightening. I love the idea of neuroplasticity and my ability to learn and grow. I love thinking that my brain wants to help me make my life easier and easier.
I struggle most with finding inspiration in others and resisting the temptation to compare. While I don’t like to think of myself as a competitive person who values the product over the relationship, I know that sometimes I am competitive in this way. I fall into the trap of thinking attention/love/money are scarce and that there isn’t enough to go around. I will puff myself up or get smaller in order to fit in. Perhaps this is the long term result of growing up in a neglectful childhood home or maybe just the “run-of-the-mill” negative bias we are all born with, I’m not sure.
I do know that I feel much lighter and my life goes more smoothly when I take joy in other’s success as well as my own. I am seeing more clearly how I can be on the same team as colleagues, collaborating instead of comparing. I am starting to value the relationship as much as the product.
I want to hear the phrase “I gotcha” more, but from myself rather than from another person. I’m beginning to get the hang of cultivating a growth mindset as I practice more and more. Sigh; it’s a big relief!
