Authenticity: Owning Who You Are
Today is the longest day of the season. We are at the threshold. From today forward, the light begins to shine brighter and brighter until summer. Feeling grateful for the shift. What a year it’s been!
I read in the paper this morning an article with the headline: “A Tragic Finish to the Year.” Ugh. The article was accompanied by not one, not two, but three Covid charts. Ugh again.
I, for one, am certainly ready to start fresh, to feel renewal, and to let go of what no longer serves, while embracing what I’ve learned. And I know that it also takes some motivation to keep me going.
I started a new tradition last year: a Brené Brown “Read-a-thon” between Thanksgiving and the New Year. It calms me during this busy season and brings me back to what is important. Each year I get new ideas to contemplate and incorporate into my life.
I have been focusing on Authenticity for a few years now. When I was involved with Wings Seminars, I created what they call a personal contract: “I am loving and leading authentically, trusting and collaborating.” I had this engraved on a bracelet that I wear everyday.
Each day I remember these ideals: developing my ability to trust; stepping into my authentic self; having the courage to collaborate. Though instead of “striving” for these things to be true and “making them happen” I find I do better when I think of cultivating them—a gentler process that gives me some wiggle room and grace.
In working monthly with a coach I met at a coaching conference in 2017, I have had the opportunity to understand and highlight what it means to be REAL. She lives in Australia and Lithuania and each month we do peer coaching. “How’s your business going?” we ask each other. “Any new clients?” “How is your marketing working?”
What does being real/Authentic mean in a world where likes and followers determine who is noticed and who has a voice? What is it to be truly seen and heard, especially during this COVID time? With all the influencers around, who do I allow to influence me and who am I influencing?
In Brown’s book, “The Gifts of Imperfection,” she says:
“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
Choosing authenticity means:
—cultivating the courage to be imperfect, to set boundaries, and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable;
—exercising the compassion that comes from knowing that we are all made of strength and struggle; and
—nurturing the connection and sense of belonging that can only happen when we believe that we are enough.”
Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.
yes, Yes, YES! That’s IT. Whew! I feel better already.
BB (as I affectionately like to refer to Brené) goes on to talk about the difference between authenticity and “pleasing/perfecting/performing.” Gulp. I get it. How to stay out of the hustle and comparison? How to stay on my path, with authenticity and confidence, instead of getting sucked into the deep, dark bottomless pit of my own insecurities?
I have spent a lot of my life striving, proving, rationalizing and justifying—hustling for my worth. I have carried those dimensions of myself for so long that to even start to let them go feels vulnerable and disorienting.
And little by little, I’m learning new ways to talk to myself. To be reassuring and to offer myself (and consequently others) more compassion. What a relief! Turns out, I am acquiring a taste for freedom. Feels lighter and easier and I’m starting to relax more.
I have a few big Inner Critics who all jockey for attention when I try something new or think I want to claim a different part of myself. They tell me “why bother?” and ask me if it’s “really worth it.” “Just stay the same!” they implore as they tell me to procrastinate a wee bit more.
One of my Inner Critics I’ve named “Big R” and, as you can see, she’s quite fierce. This Inner Drill Sergeant is always driving me to the point of exhaustion. Hard sometimes to think of what I can do to calm her and reassure her that it’s okay, I got this!
First I offer her compassion and empathy, like I would a good friend: “Yes, Renée, I know it’s hard to resurrect your newsletter so you can stay in contact with clients.”
“Ugh, that Squarespace blogging structure can be so finicky and that was so difficult for you when all those words that you’d written suddenly disappeared and you had to start over.”
“I know it can be hard to master a new software when you only work with it every couple of weeks . . . but . . . and . . . just look at all that you’ve done already! You re-did your website, got those new promo pictures, found good people to help you. Look again and reflect . . . see all that you’ve learned! You are going to be fine. Breathe. And breathe again.”
Oh yeah . . . vulnerability. Learning is a vulnerable act that takes courage and heart. I am an imperfect being and that’s okay. I have struggles and strengths, just like everybody else.
I am enough. I do enough. I have enough.
I can accept myself exactly as I am and remember that everyone else has similar desires and struggles. This is what it is to be human. I am not alone.
We are in this together. Today is a new day. And this week is a new week. Soon, the year will be new too. From the Darkness to the Light. Onward!
